Delusional Bullshitter - Nez

 An old Lyman friend, Bill, is a bullshitter. No matter what he’s talking about you can be certain that a significant portion of what he’s saying is just plain “bullshit”. We’ve been friends since childhood and we probably will be until one of us dies. He tells unbelievable whoppers. He “did this” or he “did that”. There might be a grain of truth in there but I learned to take it “with a grain of salt” long ago. Bill lives alone now and during every conversation, which is about once a month, he always talks about the neighborhood women who come by to see him and sit with him the better part of a day and watch wrestling on tv. His daughter, Kelly, who sees him almost daily says she hasn’t seen a single one of these women visitors. So, I let it pass.

Bill was married for over forty-five years to Terri. (Think Rose from Two and a Half Men. Very close.) Terri was very likeable and good people. She cheerfully worked to support the family more than Bill. His excuses for when he couldn’t work were irritating. Suddenly one day Terri had finally put up with too much of Bill’s b.s. and laziness and had found that there was a much nicer way to live and divorced him. It’s a sad story, but here it is.

In 2017 Terri visited her dying mother in hospice about an hour away. She usually went alone after work every day. Bill had flimsy excuses for not going along to visit his long-time and dying mother-in-law. (“She never liked me” or “she doesn’t want to see me,” he whined.) At the hospice place Terri met a man who was visiting his own dying wife. Terri and this man had coffee together a few times and she discovered that he was very different than Bill. She really liked what she saw in this man. They hit it off and after his wife and Terri’s mother had passed he and she dated and he showed her a much better life than she had lived for the past forty-five years. Then he unexpectedly proposed to her. Surprised, she had been under the illusion that they were just having a fling, an affair. But this was more than that. She never expected to marry the guy. They were both in their sixties. This man had fallen in love with her and she with him. So, she divorced Bill and married this guy she met at hospice. He bought her a new car, had a much nicer home than she had ever lived-in and told her to make any changes she wanted or he would buy her a new place. He had the money. (Bill never had money, though he often claimed he did.) She loved the house and made a few minor changes to make it her own. About a year into her new marriage, Terri became very ill. It turned out to be a very advanced massive brain tumor. Bill wouldn’t go to visit or see her (he said he would lose his temper). I encouraged him to go see her, and I told him I understood, but I didn’t. They had forty-five years and four kids together, and she wanted to see him. He didn’t go. She died in four months. The hospice guy/now widower husband who lost two wives in about two years, reached out to Bill and invited him to attended Terri’s funeral as her husband. Bill and his family attended Terri’s funeral together with the hospice husband.

During this whole time Bill called me over and over again crying about Terri leaving him, but he didn’t attempt to get her back. Never made any effort whatsoever. We talked about it and I chided him several times for not doing anything “if he really wanted her back”. Then he called crying about her dying. And then about her funeral. I understand about losing loved ones and I sympathized with him. He talked about more women who wanted to see him. Really dude?!

Sometimes when I call to check on him Bill’s daughter Kelly is there and I get to talk with her. She’s usually pretty open and a lot like her mom was. This is where I learned the whole story about Terri. Kelly told me that when she and her three siblings first learned that their mom was dating another man they were furious. All of them had gone with her at different times to see their grandmother in hospice, but never saw or heard any clues about this hospice man. They couldn’t believe she did that to their dad. Confronting her she explained how different this man was, how he made her feel like a real person, a respected person and how he cherished his time with her. Their dad never did any of that. After some time, the kids forgave their mom. They didn’t abandon their dad either.

Bill’s a little older than me but these days he just seems to be waiting for the grim reaper. He says he’s not but his lack of actions say otherwise. Asked if he’s ready to die he says no, he wants to get his legs (knees) fixed and do things. We all know won’t. He used to be pretty good at basketball. He played and coached recreational basketball for years. Now in his early eighties he can barely get around, even with crutches or a walker because it’s too painful. He watches tv all day, Fox news, NBA basketball, and wrestling are his favorites. He insisted his kids moved his electric hospital-type bed into the living room, so he watches tv from bed all day. He fell out of bed and broke his knee. Kelly said a partial knee replacement was done, but he won’t do any physical therapy. She tries but he whines about his circumstances and won’t do anything. I empathize. He talks again about his women. His delusional fantasy, his reality avoidance.

Bill says I’m his only friend now and I maybe I am. I try to be there for him but he won’t do anything for himself, or even for his kids or grandkids, whom he professes to love to death. He doesn’t talk with his brothers and sisters anymore. Only his kids and whoever calls. As kids we had a lot of fun together, but we don’t have much in common anymore except our old age and childhood, which we talk about and laugh. When I call, his first words are, “Well, who’s died now?” I say, “not you” and he laughs. It’s a game we play while he’s waiting to die. I’ve still got a lot of living to do.