Christmas Homecoming - Nancy

It all started one sunny May day when the Bobcats were playing their arch rival the Trojans in

a double header. My tomboy Jessie was playing second base when a hard grounder that took a

bad hop and hit her in the leg. It was unlike her to miss a ball. But this one came fast and

didn’t stay on course. As she went down and I jumped up and shouted “ Jessie, are you

alright? “ She slowly got up and shook it off. But the hit left her with a lump on her leg that

was every shade of black, blue, red and yellow. My Jessie wasn’t one to cry or whine. It wasn’t

like she hadn’t had injuries before, either from falling out of trees, or off her bicycle while

trying to do wheelies. She was a tough little girl, all 12 years of her. But this smack to the leg

didn’t seem to want to heal and kept her limping for weeks.

We had a doctor’s appointment the next week to test her for some allergies and while we

were there the doctor commented on the ugly looking welt on her leg. He said very calmly, I

think we should take a closer look at this little booger. And so he took some blood samples.

The results of those simple little blood samples would change our lives forever.

Jessie had leukemia. That word was like a sharp dagger to my heart that pulsated a deep pain

with every breath. Jessie took the news a lot better than I did. For some reason she remained

in high spirits even though the doctor explained what lied ahead. She’d need chemotherapy.

The kind where she would lose her beautiful long wavy red hair. We’d need to search for a

donor for a bone marrow transplant. My little tough cookie was the one who kept telling me,

“Mom it’s going to be OK, just watch and see” as she tried on every kind of goofy wig, settling

on a curly blonde one who she thought made her look like Taylor Swift”. She made friends

with every nurse and always had a joke for the newest doctor that would treat her.

I tried to be strong for her. But I wasn’t very good at hiding my distress. Jessie was my world.

My sweet angel. My friend. My hope. God’s blessing to me when I didn’t deserve it. God and I

had a lot of late-night talks once Jessie was asleep. I cried to him asking “Why would you do

this to a sweet little girl who believes only goodness in people and the world is beautiful?”

Give her pain to me I would cry out. I am more deserving of it and it would not be a loss. But

she has everything it takes to become something great in life.” God was having none of it.

Jessie’s strong body was withering. When she didn’t have her wig on her tiny little bald head

made her look like she was 6 or 7 not the now pre teen of 13 years old.

It was now fall the following year. All her friends were heading back to school. Jessie was not.

She missed most of last year’s school year because of all the treatments and recovery process.

So many of her friends had moved on to doing what 13 year olds are suppose to do, living

carefree lives. The doctors had told us that nothing more could be done and that the cancer

had progressed. I knew in my heart there was not many more tomorrows. I left my job so I

could sit by her side to listen to her tell me “Mom it’s going to be alright”.

Before that awful rainy day, in November, November 10 th to be exact, Jessie asked me to look

her in the eye because she had something important to tell me. I did as she said and look into

those beautiful, innocent emerald eyes. She spoke to me as someone with authority not the

little dying girl that she was. She said,” Mom I don’t want you to be mad at God. He and I have

been talking.” At that I about fell out of my chair. But I kept my eyes intent on her to hear

what she would tell me about their conversation. She went on, “God has a special job for me

to do. That is why is taking me away from you. But He said he will let me watch over you when

I am gone until you are stronger and able to live without me. So, talk to me when I’m gone

mom and I will hear you.” I couldn’t contain the tears as they rolled down my cheeks and

hugged my sweet baby for the last time.

The snow was falling like it always does in December in Colorado. It was Christmas eve and I

had a fire in the fireplace. Not a Christmas decoration could be found in my house. The house

was blank of anything hopeful, just like my soul. I stood at the sink staring out to nowhere lost

in my thoughts when I heard a persistent ting. I washed out the coffee cup I use every morning

and heard the ting again. Oh no I thought what is it in the house that is making that sound that

is in need of repair I groaned. Now the ting grew louder and faster. Dear Lord what is that I

mumbled. I walked over by the window looking out over the mountains and there was a

female cardinal sitting on the sill outside tapping on the window. Well, hello I said. She tapped

again and looked at me like she was saying hello back. I asked her “are you all alone? Where is

your mate sweet birdie.?” She cocked her head like she was confused. Those little eyes of her

looked at me like they were looking through my soul. I then asked her “Jessie is that you?” She

tapped the window as if she was giving me her reply. I felt in my heart for he first time since

Nov. 10 th that just like Jessie said, I will watch over you mom and everything is going to be

alright.